What Doesn't Defeat You, Makes You Stronger

I know I haven't been writing much lately, but I wanted to share with you all something that I have encountered within these last couple of months. It's a bit of a personal post, but I hope it gets a message out. I know on a previous post I talked about personal growth and the struggles of living that grown up lyfe. During the month of April, I had the idea of taking a beginner's Algebra class. Why you ask? Well...for one, it's a subject I have always struggled with since I was a little girl and two, it's something that has always stopped me from progressing. So I decided to challenge myself and enroll in the class.  

On the first day of class, I was super nervous. My legs were all jittery, I could feel my armpits starting to sweat up and I thought to myself, "Fuck, what did I get myself into." That little negative voice inside my head that always told me that I "sucked", regardless of how many times I tried started to creep up. It was the anxiety. The anxiety that has always haunted me, that has made me cry of frustration because I didn't understand, and that always reminds me of the countless times that my mom took me to tutoring as a little girl because it was so hard for me. I will never forget the time when my mom took me to see a math tutor and he got so frustrated with me that he walked off. All I remember was crying and feeling super shitty. 

The classroom door opened and a little, old lady walks into the room. She introduced herself as our teacher and went over the syllabus. I had flipped over the pages to see what I had to do to pass the class. In big bold letters it read, "In order to pass the class you need to get at least an 80% or higher." 

I started thinking to myself, "Will I be able to get a high enough grade to pass the class?", "Is it too late to drop?", "Can I really do this?". I've always been a "B" and "C" student so getting an 80% or higher would be a blessing for me. 

As she finished going over the syllabus, she began going over the first chapter and gave us our first homework assignment(s). 

After class I called my mom right away. She is my go-to person whenever I need someone to talk to. My mom told me that she understood my struggle and knew that this reto (challenge) was a big step for me and for my future. She always seems to have the right words to say to console me in time of need. 

She told me in Spanish, 

"Se que es algo que te ha dificultado por un gran tiempo, pero estoy tan orgullosa de ti que estas tomando este paso para mejorar. Tu eres una luchona y se que vas a lograr a cumplir tus propositos y pasar esta clase. Manos a la obra mama." 

("I know it's something that you've always had difficulty for sometime, but I am very proud that you are taking this step to do better. You are a fighter and you have the capacity to reach your goals and pass this class. Let's get to work mama.")

I don't know why, but those words made me cry. Those sincere, warm words that have always supported me are still there pushing me to keep going till thee end. 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Within the months of April, May, and June so much had changed about myself. I was surprised to see how much I had accomplished throughout that time and how much my confidence level in math had improved. 

Some of the things that I had noticed about myself along the way and that had changed about me as a student/individual were:

 -  I started being more responsible and wrote down in my planner what days I was planning on studying/completing homework for my math class and what days I was going to be studying/completing homework for my marketing class. 

-  I had made sure that I had completed tasks from my full-time job early enough so that I could arrive to class on time.

- I was active in class and asked a bunch of questions to my teacher whenever I needed help and even stayed after class and went to the math lab to prepare myself for tests and quizzes.

- Whenever I would get my tests/quizzes back, I yearned to get a better grade than the last.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whenever my teacher would hand back our tests/quizzes, I would always be surprised at the grade(s) that I would get which ranged from 90%-95%. It feels weird to say it but I feel proud of myself that I was able to ponerme mis pilas (get my act together) and follow through with my goal. I know math hasn't defeated me and I know that I haven't given up.

 At the end of the semester, which was last week, I logged onto my student account and checked on my grades. Right in front of me was marked the letter "P" for pass. I had passed my first math class in 4.5 years and I could not have been anymore happier! I am currently taking another algebra class; which is part two to this first one that I completed and I am excited to take on this next challenge. Let's do this!

Lastly, I just wanted to share with you all my some personal advice/opinion. For those people or for mom's and dad's who have kids who are struggling or have struggled in math or another subject in the past, my biggest advice/opinion would be not to give up. I know it's probably an easy thing to do and this is probably a cheesy and cliche thing to say but if you really set a SMART goal for yourself and really put your mind and soul to what you wanna accomplish, you'll definitely see results. 

What's a subject that you've struggled with and how did you overcome it? Let's talk!

* Images courtesy of Google

From LA, With Luv
Fati <3